I am not usually a downer. In fact, I’m often accused of blind optimism! But I’d like to take a moment to say goodbye to 2016 and never hear from it again. This year has been a really difficult one for me and my family (and the whole world for that matter)! We started the year with Jeremy getting scarlett fever (wtf)? Then we had our paypal account emptied by someone/something? My family had all sorts of things happening including my Grandfather’s death two days after Christmas and then trying to sort through his will & documents. Bernie lost in the primaries (bummer) and now Donald Trump is president elect (wtf part II). We had all sorts of health issues, my great uncle died and the world lost some iconic artists including David Bowie and Carrie Fisher. It easily felt like one thing after another this year.
That said, this year felt very necessary. After it all, I really felt like I had to sit down for a moment and take a look at what really happened in a much deeper sense. A lot of old, dangerous belief systems that are still extremely prevalent were dug up for all to see. Everything was exposed this year… our media, our government, corporate greed, unsustainable practices. It feels like the curtain has been lowered for all of us to see. The flaws in our unsustainable way of living have been exposed and people are responding. I feel like 2016 has been the year of the Tower card (in tarot).
At first glance, the tower is terrifying. There are people falling, the clouds are opening up, the fire is destroying everything. But if you look closer, you can see that the tower sits upon uneven ground. It has been built on instability and had to come down inevitably. The crown has been thrown off and nature consumes this seemingly large building that was going to come down eventually. 2016 has been The Tower. All of our health issues that have come up have encouraged us to look into more sustainable ways of healthful living. My grandfather’s death has reminded me of the importance of proper documentation and taught me many lessons about grief. Bigotry, fear, corruption has been lit up and it’s all coming down.
With all of this learning, I’m pretty exhausted. 2016 has not left me weak, far from it. But it’s been rough feeling burnt out and shut down so much of the time. And now with mercury in retrograde until January 8th, 2017 begins with things in disarray. When Mercury is retrograde, it’s important to move slowly, lower your expectations and add an extra dose of patience to your task-management. Also respond with warmth and openness to those who may need to clear a miscommunication with you. I’m trying my best to remember that I’m not the only one who’s brain isn’t up to speed right now!
My Dad left tonight after a week’s visit with us. His presence has been less than grounding. Not because he’s extra difficult or a tyrant or anything. Here’s the truth for me: having my parents around is kind of like having all of my childhood baggage hanging out in the living room playing with my kid! It’s unsettling and often times irrational but I’m trying to be really kind to myself (and them) in the process. The moment he left, the air settled, my little family and I made some pizza and we got back to our lives. I’ve really been missing our lives. I’m looking forward to budgeting, school, ballet lessons, reading more books, sewing more things, making more lists and snuggling up together through the winter.
I learned a long time ago not to count on New Years resolutions to do anything but bum me out. So, instead I offer a list of seeds to be planted gently for 2017. Goals, when flexible and with good intention seem to get a lot more attention from me throughout the year.
- Spend more time outside.
- Keep sewing. Even when I just have half an hour, I want to set a timer and keep sewing!
- Cook and learn to cook better. A friend suggested a book (The Science of Good Cooking)
- Draw and paint more.
- Spend more time on the floor with my daughter, making things.
- Spend more time in the bathtub relaxing (preferably with wine).
That’s it, just six, flexible, little goal seeds to plant and see what grows. I also want this to be the year that I start looking at some emotional eating habits and trauma related to fitness. But I know those things will take time and I feel very vulnerable even discussing them.
Happy 2017! Seriously… let’s make this a year of being. Just being. And hopefully finding the grace within to let things go, let things happen, be present and keep on going at this upward pace.